Soap is not a condiment
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
