i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This baby is an asshole
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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