You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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