Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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