Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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