My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
