someone owes me an orgasm
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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