i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need to calm my uterus...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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