We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
