So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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