do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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