you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
