just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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