D3 body, D1 cock
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
