I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
