I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
