she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
