I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
