went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am naked and annoyed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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