I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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