Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
