Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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