I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
