can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
