btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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