somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i came on her dog
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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