You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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