There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
