Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
