Im at strip club and am horny
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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