I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
