I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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