I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
