Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
