ugly people sure do ruin things
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
