I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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