I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize