Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
