i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
