5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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