Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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