apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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