Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
