so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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