Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
