4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
