After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize