a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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