Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
