I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
