i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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