I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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