i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
