The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
