You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
