it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
