2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
