Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
