Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
