Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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