I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
