Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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