i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
