ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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