I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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