How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
