I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
