so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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