Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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