you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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