Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
