I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
