There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
