i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize