Non-Jews are for practice
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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