Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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