my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
