i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
