i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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