i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
