You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
