dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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