Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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