I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
