I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize