hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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