i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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