Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
