so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every concussion has its silver lining
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
