I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
