did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize