i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
