after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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